My Story

Neil Offen has been a humor columnist for four decades and in two countries. 

He’s also been a sports reporter, a newspaper and magazine editor, a radio newsman, written a nationally syndicated funny comic strip and been published in a variety of formats, including pen, crayon, chalk and, once, under duress, his wife’s eyebrow pencil.

He has interviewed Muhammad Ali, covered Apollo 11, ridden on the Orient Express, and once met Cary Grant. Most important, he actually finished first in his age group in a recent 5K. 

The author of more than a dozen books, he is, as well, the man behind several critically acclaimed supermarket shopping lists and has written for the neighborhood listserv, frequently asking for recommendations for reliable handymen. 

Offen began his writing career early, writing notes home from summer camp pleading with his parents to please get him out of there before the Junior Buckskins would be attempting the zip line over the lake on Thursday.

While in school, he forged ahead in his writing career, devoting himself to the intellectually challenging pursuit of writing limericks when he should have been paying attention in math class. He ultimately gave up that career when he ran out of acceptable rhymes for limericks that began, “There once was a man from Nantucket.”

Offen has received many honors and has been lauded as “that guy” by The New York Times and hailed as “him,” by National Public Radio.  Additionally, he has been named “Un Homme Très Etrange,” by the French government, the highest honor it can bestow on someone who doesn’t know how to pronounce ratatouille. 

He lives in Carrboro, North Carolina, but likes to imagine he’s still in the south of France, where the wine is cheaper, which is why he always says bonjour to the mailman and occasionally to the next-door neighbors. The neighbors have occasionally tried to have him committed, but the authorities no longer respond to their hysterical calls.

Offen lives with his wife and three imaginary dogs, because they could never get a real one since he’s allergic. His two real children have never forgiven him for that.